How to Write a Good Obituary—And Why You Should
Let’s be honest: most obituaries sound the same.
They follow a worn-out formula, name, age, date of death, list of survivors, a couple of job titles, and maybe a nod to a favorite sports team. And while those details are important, they rarely tell us anything real about the person who just left this world.
But more and more people are rewriting the script. Instead of stiff formality, they’re opting for obituaries with humor, heart, and personality, words that actually sound like the person they’re honoring. Because the truth is, no one wants to be remembered as a bullet point list. We want to be remembered as who we were, our quirks, our passions, our stories.
Writing an obituary can be one of the most powerful, healing, and creative things you’ll ever do. And it doesn’t have to be intimidating. In fact, it can be surprisingly beautiful.
Here’s how to write a good one, and why it matters more than ever.
Why Write an Obituary?
An obituary isn’t just a public notice of someone’s passing. It’s a celebration of a life lived. It’s a love letter. It’s an opportunity to honor someone’s legacy, share their story, and remind the world how they made it better.
Writing an obituary also:
- Helps others grieve by connecting through shared memories
- Informs the community of the death and any service details
- Creates a keepsake for family and future generations
- Provides closure in a deeply personal way
It’s also a way to take control of how a person’s life is remembered. And whether you’re writing for someone else or preparing your own in advance, it’s worth doing well.
Where Do You Publish It?
You have several options, and each has its own pros and cons:
1. Local Newspaper
- Cost: Often charged by the word or line (\$100–\$1,000+ depending on length and city)
- Why it’s useful: Reaches people in the deceased’s hometown
- Tip: Keep it short. Local readers are more likely to recognize and care.
2. Funeral Home Website
- Cost: Usually included with funeral packages
- Why it’s useful: Easy for family and friends to find and share online
3. Online Memorial Platforms (e.g., Legacy.com, Ever Loved)
- Cost: Free to modest fees depending on the platform
- Why it’s useful: Unlimited space, photos, guestbooks, tributes
4. Social Media
- Cost: Free
- Why it’s useful: Allows for quick, wide distribution, especially for those who may not check obituary sites
And don’t forget: you can also store and preserve a copy in My Banyan Life, in your Legacy folder, alongside documents like funeral plans, photos, and personal reflections. It’s a place your loved ones will know to look when they need it most.
What Makes a Great Obituary?
The most memorable obituaries are rich in personality, not just facts. They reflect the essence of the person, how they lived, what they loved, how they made others feel.
They often balance five key qualities:
1. Emotional resonance – Not just what they did, but who they were
2. Clarity and brevity – Say more with less, without losing warmth
3. Authentic voice – Sound like the person or the family, not a template
4. Vivid details – Include stories, sayings, or habits that defined them
5. Impact – Focus on the love, joy, or wisdom they left behind
As one writer puts it: “Use your own judgment about what's appropriate. If you knew the person well, chances are you'll be able to assess the tone and style that would suit them.” , Sentenac
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Can You Use Humor?
Absolutely, but only when it fits.
The traditional mold is breaking, and many families are now embracing obits with wit, flair, and levity. A well-placed joke or clever turn of phrase can make a person’s personality shine.
But be careful. Humor can be inappropriate if:
- The person was more serious or traditional in life
- The cause of death is especially tragic or sensitive
- You’re not sure how their loved ones would feel reading it
As writer Shain wisely puts it:
“If someone is more serious, more traditional, I don’t use humor at all.”
Some deaths, like that of a child or a sudden loss, simply aren't the place for jokes. Goss, an experienced obituary writer, recalls writing one for a 10-year-old boy who died after a failed heart transplant. “There’s just no way to make that obituary hilarious, nor should there be.”
So go with your gut. If the deceased was the type to make people laugh, lean into it. If not, lead with grace and sincerity.
Tips for Writing a Meaningful Obituary
1. Start with the basics
Include:
- Full name (and nicknames, if widely known)
- Age
- Date and place of death
- Birth date and place
- Family survivors and predeceased loved ones
- Funeral/memorial service details (if applicable)
2. Write from the heart
You don’t need to be a writer. You just need to care. The best obituaries are written by people who knew the deceased personally. You don’t need to use big words or formal language, just write the way you’d talk about them to a friend.
3. Skip the template
Templates can be helpful to get started, but don’t follow them too closely. Your person was unique. Your obituary should be, too. Include one or two real stories or vivid memories, those are the things people remember most.
For example, one writer shared:
“When I read a eulogy for my mom, I talked about how she discovered a soft taco for the first time… It was the best she had ever had. A ‘lefsa’ filled with chicken, vegetables, rice, wow. She talked about it for years.” – She was Scandinavian and “lefsa” is what she grew up on.
That kind of detail does more to bring someone to life than a long list of accomplishments ever could.
4. Keep it brief and local
If you're publishing in a newspaper, stick to 200–500 words to avoid high fees. Online platforms allow for longer versions, but still, focus on quality over quantity.
5. Publish early
Aim to publish 2–3 days before the service, if possible. This gives mourners time to make arrangements to attend.
What's the Difference Between an Obituary and a Eulogy?
It’s a common question, and sometimes, the lines blur.
- An obituary is a written announcement, usually public and factual, that covers the key details of a person’s death and life. It’s published in newspapers or online.
- A eulogy is a spoken tribute, usually delivered at a funeral or memorial. It’s often more personal, emotional, and story-driven.
Can they overlap? Absolutely. A well-written obituary can read like a eulogy, and a beautiful eulogy can be printed as an obituary. Do what feels right for your family and the tone you want to set.
Tell the Story That Only You Can
No two lives are the same. No two obituaries should be, either.
You don’t need to write perfectly. You just need to write honestly. Speak in your voice. Share the stories that mattered. Let people laugh, cry, remember.
And don’t be afraid to start now, even before the loss. Many people now prepare obituary drafts for themselves or loved ones in advance. It can be a gift to your family, easing their burden when the time comes.
At My Banyan Life, we help you preserve and protect life’s most important details, including stories like these. Your memories and words deserve a safe place to live on, long after the paper is gone.
Want a private place to write or store an obituary or eulogy?
Save your drafts securely at My Banyan Life, and share them only when you’re ready. Because your story, and theirs, deserves to be remembered.
Your life is worth organizing. Your legacy is worth telling.